It’s Just Family

December2013
December 2013

It’s not like this whole blending thing is new, exactly. We’ve been dating since the Summer of 2011, with a few break ups here and there in between as we found our footing together. We didn’t introduce the kids for months, to be sure that we weren’t exposing them to something that was short lived.

So we’ve all been hanging out for about five years now. The kids get along great – the only arguments are usually among the blood-related siblings (Phil’s two daughters or my two sons). But it’s still been hard getting used to this new family dynamic.

The boys live with us and are with us about 75 percent of the time. The girls see their Dad 49 percent of the time, but they go to school in a different state so their Dad goes to them twice a week and the boys and I only see them every other weekend during the school year. And that’s hard. At least for me. In the Summer, it’s wonderful because they are with us for a week at a time and I can bond with them in ways I can’t during the school year.

Blending a family can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield. Add on top of it two new teenagers, two “I used to be the youngest” tweens, five jobs, two divorce-recovering bank accounts, a law suit, and daily craziness that we all face and well… it’s like a really populated minefield.

It’s scary yet intriguing, chaotic, beautiful, maddening, lovely, and doubt-ridden, yet we are convicted to get through it.

When it’s just Phil and I, things are usually very good. When we add in all of the kids, it’s loud and crazy. If there’s a hint of strife, walls can instantly rise and defensive spirits show up. While together we have a lot of fun, we also face a lot of stress.

Over the years I’ve tried to remind myself that’s not just blended…that’s just family, right?

 


7 thoughts on “It’s Just Family

  1. Mike and I started our blended family when all 5 of our children were teenagers. It was very stressful at times. All of the children got along just fine with never any problems to speak of. I although was the easy one to hate especially with his daughters. They did not want to be angry with their parents. I stood back and allowed them to have the quality time with their dad alone when they were spending time at our home. I waited for the invite by them instead of by Mike. There were times when he insisted I tag along with them. He felt it was important for them to see us together and how happy and in love we are. It comes down to the kids will grow up and move away then it will only be the two of you. They will have their own lives and you will have yours. Cherish your happiness and relationship and in time they will see the real truth. Kids are not stupid they see and hear what goes on around them. Mikes oldest son always introduces us as his parents not his dad and step mom. Now they are all young adults and have fully accepted us and our marriage. I hear the “I love Yous” after a phone conversation now. Don’t get me wrong we have had our disagreements and fights yelling at each other. We sat down as a family and told the kids point blank this is how it is accept it or don’t. There will be no more negativity in this home so do not bring it with you. They know they are loved, but we also made it clear we were not going to choose them or US.

    Mike and Mickie Snelling (Still act like newly weds after 8 yrs of marriage)

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  2. I would like to reblog this! I too am part of a blended family, with 6 kids. 3 from his previous relationships, 2 from mine and then we have 1 together. All 8 of us are only together every other weekend, but my 2 are with us 4 days of every week. It is hard going from oldest to middle and youngest to middle, over and over again. It takes A LOT of work to make things work. We too have been together nearly 5 years (in July) and married 5 in December. it is still quite a work in progress 🙂

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  3. Hi Christine! I just read this to my husband of 46 years. We are at York Beach celebrating our 46th Anniversary. My husband would like me to tell you that he only met you once on Dedham St when you and Phil were passing through. He thought that you were a very lovely Lady. He just said that you and Phil will live happily ever after but don’t forget to visit us on 3 Dedham St!!! Your post is well written and beautiful…it says it all…xoxoxox..wish you the BEST!! Keep blogging…gives great comfort to all….

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